if you like me you must not know who I am
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
