mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you had me at cake vodka
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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