so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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