ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
