i would punch a child for taco bell
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
