you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
