garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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