Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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