update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
