I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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