she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
