i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
