I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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