we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
