I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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