I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
