I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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