wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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