I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She needs sedatives and a leash
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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