He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
did i walk over a car last night?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I have post one night stand depression
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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