I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
