In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
