he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I AM VODKA MAN
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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