Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
