I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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