omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
