The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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