If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
