Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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