whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
