im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
