Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
