i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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