when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
