Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
