the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
