There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize