Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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