I must be too annoying 4 u.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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