Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
