im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize