You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I met the friendliest cop last night
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
