You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You are the jesus of drinking
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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