So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
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He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We left the knife in your bed.
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We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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