my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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