a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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