be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
