this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I will be naked everywhere
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
