My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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