a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
