my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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