I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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