It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
