My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
my liver is dry heaving
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
