The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
