she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
