life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
