While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
