its not stalking. its research.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
