can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize