i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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