it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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