:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
