you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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