the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
