It was confusing and full of hummus
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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