I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
