New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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