she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
