now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
