Where is the hickey?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
